Letting go is never easy. Whether it is letting go of a love interest, a good friend, a job, or even your family. Sometimes it is the best way to come to peace with yourself, and help others realize what a meaningful asset you are. We have all been hurt. Maybe even treated badly, trust broken, hearts were crushed. It is normal to feel the pain but, sometimes that pain lingers for too long and begins to take over our lives. This causes us to be unhappy and can also ruin relationships, distract us from work, family, and other important things. It can make us reluctant to open up to new things and people. It's like you become trapped in a cycle of anger and hurt. Before you know it, you are missing out on the beauty of life! We need to learn to let go. We need to be able to forgive, so we can move on and be happy.
Forgiveness can change your life. It doesn't mean you erase the past or forget what has happened. It doesn't even mean the other peron will change his/her behavior, you have no control of that. It means you are letting go of the anger and pain, and moving on to a better, and happier, place.
It's never easy, but its not difficult to try! Here are a few steps that may help in your path to letting go.
1. Commit to letting go. If you aren't committed, you are setting yourself up for failure. You don't have to do it in a second, maybe not even a week, but make sure that you are willing to commit! Commit to changing, because you recognize that the pain is hurting you and making you unhappy.
2. Think about the pros and cons. What problems does this pain cause you? Does it affect your work or family life? Maybe it stops you from pursuing your dreams, or becoming a better person? Does it cause you to be unhappy? Think about all of these problems and realize that it is time to change! Now, think of all of the benefits of forgiveness! It will make you happier, free from your past and the pain, and it can even improve things with your relationships and life in general.
3. Realize you have a choice. Whether we like it or not, we CAN'T control the actions of others. So why should we try? But, you can control your actions and your thoughts! Stop reliving the hurt and pain and understand that it is your choice to move on. You have this power! You just need to learn how to exercise it.
4. Empathize. I know we have all heard the saying "put yourself in that person's shoes.". Do it! Try to understand why the person did what he/she did. You need to do with with a clear mind though! Start from the assumption that the person isn't a bad person, but just did something wrong. Ask yourself "what could he/she have been thinking? what could have happened to him/her in the past to make them do what they did?" You aren't saying it is right, but are instead trying to understand and empathize.
5. Understand your responsibility. Try to figure out how you could have been partially responsible for what happened. Ask yourself if there was anything you could have done to prevent it and try to figure out how you can prevent it from happening again. This is not to be confused with taking blame or taking responsibility away from the other person, but to realize that we are not victims but participants in life.
6. Focus on the present. Now that you have reflected on the past, realize that THE PAST IS OVER! It is no longer happening, it no longer exists anywhere but your mind. Bring focus back to the present moment! What are you doing now? Find joy in what is happening right now. If you do start thinking about the past, acknowledge it and gently bring yourself back to the present moment.
7. Allow peace to enter your life! A good technique as you focus on the present, try focusing on your breathing. Imagine each breath going out is the pain and the past being released from your mind. Each incoming breath is peace entering your body and filling you up! Release the pain and the past. Let peace enter your life and go forward!
8. Feel compassion. Finally, forgive the person. You have to realize that in forgiveness, you are allowing yourself to be happy and let go. Feel empathy for the person and wish happiness on them. It may take some time. If you're stuck on this point, try going back and repeating these steps to make sure you are ready to forgive and let go.
Remember, the longer you hold on, the more the unhappiness is going to intrude on your life. You only live once, so take this chance to live the best, most happy, and fulfilling life you can! Let go and forgive today!
I did and I feel a million pounds lifted off my chest! I am happy, I am healthy, and I have let go!
"Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart." -unknown
