Pro Ana My A$$

Hello again blog world!  I apologize for the delay in blogging!  I have been getting some life changing things together like a house! :D
I was watching the OZ show today.  No clue how it got turned on but I think it was a sign I need to blog because today's show was about Pro Anorexia movement. . .
You read that right!  PRO anorexia movement.  I can honestly admit that I cried the whole time watching the show.  I couldn't turn the channel.  Seeing these older and young women thinking that anorexia is the only way to be beautiful!   Dr. Oz even had a man who ran a pro-ana site to "help the women who suffer from anorexia talk about their issues" but yet the site is full of pictures of these 70lb grown women saying "this is beauty."

I had to go look up some of these pro-ana sites to fully understand the concept and was hoping that I could find something good from this "support" system.  Turns out, I didn't!  Instead, I was given this...

Thin Commandments

1) If you aren't thin, you aren't attractive
2) Being thin is more important than being healthy
3) You must buy clothes, cut your hair, take laxatives, anything to make yourself look thinner
4) Thou shall not eat without feeling guilty
5) Thou shall not eat fattening food withoud punishing afterwards
6) Thou shall count calories and restrict intake accordingly
7) What the scale says is the most important thing
8) Losing weight is good, gaining weight is bad
9) You can never be to thin
10) Being thin and not eating are signs of true will power and success.

This is what these women are living by!  I want to try to ween through these "commandments" and see if I could better understand them.

1. If you aren't think, you aren't attractive.  Well, I am far from thin, but who can say this isn't beautiful?

I don't need anorexia to be beautiful!  I won't lie though.  I have been through every diet in the book.  I wasn't always happy in the skin God gave me.  I went through that part of life where I was never happy with myself.  I was fat and ugly and I used to think the only way I would be happy with myself is if I was thin and beautiful.  It wasn't until I realized that losing weight wasn't going to make me happy with myself, it was going to make others happy with me.  I realized that I can love me just the way I am!  Just because people are rude doesn't mean I am not a beautiful woman!  I am healthy, I have no diseases, I don't hurt, I don't worry about my weight, and honestly, I don't worry about anything but being happy!  If I am excited and confident in the way I look and feel, others will see that and change their rude minds!  I promise you that!  People can tell when you are confident in yourself.  Yes I get called fat but guess what, those who call me fat are awfully distraught when it doesn't affect me, and when their boyfriends want to talk to me after! 

2. Being thin is more important than being healthy.  Really?  I don't even know if I can morally discuss this one.  On the Oz show, there was a 30 year old woman who weighs 73lbs and eats about 300 calories a day from a feeding tube. . . THIS is more important than being healthy?  So what, now you are bone thin, your body aches, you can't enjoy food, and you can't possibly ever leave your house because of how SICK you are.  THIS is what women are looking forward to?  Call me crazy, but I enjoy being able to go out and have dinner and enjoy the company of friends and meet new people.  I'm not sure someone like this would be approachable!  

http://www.doctoroz.com/episode/dying-be-thin-meet-skinniest-women-america

This is a link to the video from Dr. Oz show.  Please do watch this.  Hopefully this could change someone's mind about not eating! 

3. You must buy clothes, cut your hair, take laxatives, anything to make yourself look thinner.  Is it so bad that women can be happy in the body they were given?  Do you think I just woke up one day fat?  No!  I have been big my whole life.  I can't remember a time when I could have been considered "thin".  I think these anorexic women think so much about what others think about beauty, they forget it doesn't matter what others think, or what society says is beautiful.  Quite frankly, if society keeps this view of "beauty" we are all fucked, for lack of better word!  

4. Thou shall not eat without feeling guilty.  Sickening!  Why should you feel guilty for doing what you need to do as a human being to survive?  I can't even being to fathom this.  We were given the teeth to chew food, the system to digest it, and the tools to release the waste..... So what gives?  Why should you feel guilty for doing what you NEED to do?  There's a difference between calorie counting and starving.  Are these women aware they are killing more than their fat, they are losing their brain!  No, really!  They are killing their brain from not giving their bodies enough food to work! 

 

5. Thou shall not eat fattening foods without punishing afterwards.  So now, you enjoy a burger, then have to go cut yourself?  So not only will you have anorexia, you will have self mutilation problems too?  GREAT!  Everyone will really love you now!  Even when I diet, I don't get hard on myself when I eat something out of my calorie count.  This would be setting myself up for failure.  Of course you aren't going to be spot on dieting EVERY day.  Lunch dates happen!  You simply pick back up where you left off the day before.  I don't even want to discuss this one any further. 

6. Thou shall count calories and restrict calories accordingly.  Okay, counting calories and restricting calories is a touchy subject.  In most diets, like the one I am on now, yes, we restrict calories.  But there is a fine line between starving ones self and eating healthy.  I eat 1100 calories a day.  This is enough calories to keep my body moving and I am not constantly hungry.  These anorexic dieters are restricting to less than 300 calories a day.  This would be the equivalent to 6 pieces of melba toast and half an apple.  All day!  This is what they would eat in one day, if they are eating at all.  Then again, these foods probably have too many sugars so they most likely wouldn't eat them.  But regardless, this is not enough food for one to survive on each day.  

7. What the scale says is the most important thing.  This is the downfall in most diets.  The excessive weighing!  You shouldn't weigh yourself multiple times a day.  And definitely don't weigh yourself right after you eat!  This is common knowledge!  Of course the weight is going to be a little higher when you are full of food!  By weighing yourself constantly, you feel like you aren't making any progress.  The scale can be a great tool when it is used correctly.  

8. Losing weight is good, gaining weight is bad.  Now this may be the only "rule" I sort of agree with to a point.  Like I have said, I have done every diet in the book and then some and yes it is better to lose weight when you have enough to lose.  But gaining weight isn't always bad.  Sometimes if you are losing weight while working out you begin to gain a lb or two here and there from muscle weight.  Now in the case of anorexia, the more you lose, the worse off you are getting.  They make a healthy weight chart for a reason.  When you start getting 30, 40, even 100 lbs under your weight spectrum, is not acceptable at all!  

9. You can never be too thin.  I completely disagree!  When you can't function because you are so thin and frail, I would call that TOO thin.  Being a full grown adult and weighing under 80lbs would be TOO thin. 

10. Being thin and not eating are signs of true will power and success.  Again, really?! I call that opposite of will power and success!  Not eating is more like giving into the disease.  Will power and success would be getting over anorexia!  They are telling people that THIS is a good success.  And they are believing because they are weak!  These women and men suffering from anorexia are reading these things and thinking they are doing the right thing!  

Now that I have disgusted myself even talking about this pro anorexia movement. . . I want to ask everyone. . . 

When does feeling good for and about yourself outweigh killing yourself to be "beautiful"? 

Let Go & Forgive

Sorry for the lack of blogs, but due to my current personal circumstances, today I would like to talk about letting go.

Letting go is never easy.  Whether it is letting go of a love interest, a good friend, a job, or even your family.  Sometimes it is the best way to come to peace with yourself, and help others realize what a meaningful asset you are.  We have all been hurt.  Maybe even treated badly, trust broken, hearts were crushed.  It is normal to feel the pain but, sometimes that pain lingers for too long and begins to take over our lives.  This causes us to be unhappy and can also ruin relationships, distract us from work, family, and other important things.  It can make us reluctant to open up to new things and people.  It's like you become trapped in a cycle of anger and hurt.  Before you know it, you are missing out on the beauty of life!  We need to learn to let go.  We need to be able to forgive, so we can move on and be happy.

Forgiveness can change your life.  It doesn't mean you erase the past or forget what has happened.  It doesn't even mean the other peron will change his/her behavior, you have no control of that.  It means you are letting go of the anger and pain, and moving on to a better, and happier, place.

It's never easy, but its not difficult to try!  Here are a few steps that may help in your path to letting go.

1.  Commit to letting go.  If you aren't committed, you are setting yourself up for failure.  You don't have to do it in a second, maybe not even a week, but make sure that you are willing to commit!  Commit to changing, because you recognize that the pain is hurting you and making you unhappy.

2. Think about the pros and cons.  What problems does this pain cause you?  Does it affect your work or family life?  Maybe it stops you from pursuing your dreams, or becoming a better person?  Does it cause you to be unhappy?  Think about all of these problems and realize that it is time to change!  Now, think of all of the benefits of forgiveness!  It will make you happier, free from your past and the pain, and it can even improve things with your relationships and life in general.

3. Realize you have a choice.  Whether we like it or not, we CAN'T control the actions of others.  So why should we try?  But, you can control your actions and your thoughts!  Stop reliving the hurt and pain and understand that it is your choice to move on.  You have this power!  You just need to learn how to exercise it.

4. Empathize.  I know we have all heard the saying "put yourself in that person's shoes.".  Do it!  Try to understand why the person did what he/she did.  You need to do with with a clear mind though!  Start from the assumption that the person isn't a bad person, but just did something wrong.  Ask yourself "what could he/she have been thinking? what could have happened to him/her in the past to make them do what they did?"  You aren't saying it is right, but are instead trying to understand and empathize.

5. Understand your responsibility.  Try to figure out how you could have been partially responsible for what happened.  Ask yourself if there was anything you could have done to prevent it and try to figure out how you can prevent it from happening again.  This is not to be confused with taking blame or taking responsibility away from the other person, but to realize that we are not victims but participants in life.

6. Focus on the present.  Now that you have reflected on the past, realize that THE PAST IS OVER!  It is no longer happening, it no longer exists anywhere but your mind.  Bring focus back to the present moment!  What are you doing now?  Find joy in what is happening right now.  If you do start thinking about the past, acknowledge it and gently bring yourself back to the present moment.

7.  Allow peace to enter your life!  A good technique as you focus on the present, try focusing on your breathing.  Imagine each breath going out is the pain and the past being released from your mind.  Each incoming breath is peace entering your body and filling you up!  Release the pain and the past.  Let peace enter your life and go forward!

8.  Feel compassion.  Finally, forgive the person.  You have to realize that in forgiveness, you are allowing yourself to be happy and let go.  Feel empathy for the person and wish happiness on them.  It may take some time.  If you're stuck on this point, try going back and repeating these steps to make sure you are ready to forgive and let go.

Remember, the longer you hold on, the more the unhappiness is going to intrude on your life.  You only live once, so take this chance to live the best, most happy, and fulfilling life you can!  Let go and forgive today!
I did and I feel a million pounds lifted off my chest!  I am happy, I am healthy, and I have let go!


"Peace.  It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work.  It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."  -unknown

Have Your Cake, and EAT it Too!

We have all heard the phrase, "have your cake and eat it too", but what does that really mean?

 I don't think they are really telling me if I bake a delicious cake I can eat it all, eh?  But everyone interprets things differently!
Today, I want to talk about some healthy eating habits that I think everyone should at least try!
We live in an age FULL of fast food!  The faster, the better!  But then again, the faster, the more UNhealthy!  Yes, you can get a salad or a grilled sandwich from most all of these fast food joints, but is that REALLY a healthier option?  To be honest, even the salad meals at most fast food joints are just as unhealthy as that greasy burger that you wanted!
Fast Food Nutrition Chart
Above is the link to the fast food nutrition comparison chart.  You are going to be surprised at how "healthy" those "lo-carb" foods are!  Might as well have ordered the double cheese burger instead of the dry grilled chicken on hard bread right?!
Well, now that we know all the nutrition that is NOT in fast food, let's see if we can make some guidelines to follow, or at least think about, when we go out for that quick meal!
Luckily for us, most fast food restaurants now print the nutritional facts on the container of each meals but, come on now, who REALLY reads that stuff?

We all love burgers!  A nice juicy hamburger with fries and maybe even a shake?!  Hungry aren't you?  Lets think about when you order fast food.  What do you order?  A number 10, LARGE SWEET tea (usually soda for most), LARGE fries.  This one meal probably has enough calories to last you a whole day!  And enough fat to make you RUN from the scale!
Here are some tips that I found have worked for me when eating fast food, but still trying to stay healthy.

First off, you CAN'T eat fast food on a regular basis!  Plain and simple!  Yes, it is tasty, but do a little research on what is IN the food you are eating and I promise you are going to change your mind about some menu items you THOUGHT you loved!  Make it a treat!  Try to limit yourself to once a week at first if you are a heavy fast food eater.  Knowing that you only have ONE day that you can "splurge" will help you get out of the groove of only eating fast food.

One thing most people don't think of is their drink.  A regular size cup full of soda packs a whole lot of sugar and calories!  Try drinking water with your meal!  Just changing to water can save a lot of calories AND water will help your body better digest the food!  If you REALLY feel like you need a soda, go diet!  Also, try drinking 8oz of water before you order your meal, this will give your stomach a little less room and I have found it makes me eat LESS of whatever I order.

Make careful menu choices!  Be sure to read the description of each meal.  Dishes that are deep-fried, pan-fried, basted, batter-dipped, breaded, creamy, crispy, scalloped, alfredo, au gratin, or in cream sauce are usually higher in calories, unhealthy fats, or sodium.  Try to order items with more vegetables and something with leaner meats.  If you don't like a lot of veggies, find a veggie you are really fond of and order extra of this vegetable.  The nutrients in the veggies will fill you up and make you eat less of the "bad stuff".

Specialize your order!  Most all fast food menu item are unhealthy, but they offer the chance to change your order, so TAKE IT!  Ask for your vegetables and main dishes to be served without sauce, or sauce on the side.  Ask for olive oil and vinegar for your salad or order the dressing on the side and spoon only a small amount on at a time, or you can dip it!  If your food is fried or cooked in oil or butter, ask to have it broiled or steamed.  Also, "undress" your food.  When choosing items, be aware of calorie and fat backed salad dressings, spreads, cheese, sour cream, etc.  For example, ask for a grilled chicken sandwich without the mayonnaise.  Use packets of ketchup or mustard and add it yourself to control how much is put on your sandwich.  Just these little changes drop the calorie and fat intake more that you realize!

Eat mindfully!  Pay attention to what you eat and savor each bite.  Make sure to chew your food more thoroughly instead of scarfing it down quickly.  Try counting as you chew!  Being mindful also means stopping before you are full.  It takes time for your body to register that you have eaten.  Mindful eating relaxes you, so you digest better, and makes you feel more satisfied.

There are always things you should AVOID eating at fast food restaurants!

Supersized portions!  An average fast food meal can account for up to 1000 calories or more, so choose a smaller portion size!  Try a kids meal, that way you still get the burger are fries you were wanting, but you don't feel guilty about eating it!  Try ordering a salad or fruit option instead of fries.  Most of all, DON'T SUPERSIZE ANYTHING!  At a typical restaurant, a single serving provides enough for two meals.  Take half home or divide the portion with a dining partner!  You will be satisfied, and won't intake the extra calories and fat you DON'T need.

Salt!  Try to stay away from high sodium items.  High sodium intake can lead to many ailments such as high blood pressure and even heart disease.  Don't add insult to injury by adding more salt to a meal that is already high in sodium!  Salt also makes it harder for your body to digest and you hold water weight!

Bacon!  Yes, kill me now!  Bacon is a tempting add on to an already unhealthy meal, but by just by not adding that bacon, you keep a lot of unneeded calories, sodium, and fat!  It's always tempting to add bacon to sandwiches and salads for extra flavor, but bacon has very few nutrients.  Instead, try ordering extra pickles, onions, lettuce, tomatoes, or mustard to add flavor without the fat.

Buffets!  You'll likely overeat to get your money's worth so why stress it, just don't go to a buffet!  If you do choose buffet dining, opt for fresh fruits, salads with olive oil & vinegar or low-fat dressing, broiled entrees, and steamed vegetables.  Resist the temptation to go for seconds, or wait at least 20 minutes after eating to make sure you're really still hungry before going back for more.

Here's a good carry around cheat sheet!  Try your best to follow this simple list and you will be eating healthy while still getting what you crave from fast food!

Healthier fast food at burger chains

Less Healthy Choices
1. Double-patty hamburger with cheese, mayo, special sauce, and bacon
2. Fried chicken sandwich
3. Fried fish sandwich
4. Salad with toppings such as bacon, cheese, and ranch dressing
5. Breakfast burrito with steak
6. French fries
7. Milkshake
8. Chicken nuggets or tenders
9. Adding cheese, extra mayo, and special sauce

Healthier Choices
1. Regular, singe-patty hamburger without mayo or cheese
2. Grilled chicken sandwich
3. Veggie burger
4. Garden salad with grilled chicken and lo-fat dressing
5. Egg on a muffin
6. Baked potato or a side salad
7. Yogurt parfait
8. Grilled chicken strips
9. Limiting cheese, mayo, and special sauce

Healthier fast food at fried chicken chains.

Less healthy choices.
1. Fried chicken, original or extra-crispy
2. Teriyaki wings or popcorn chicken
3. Caesar Salad
4. Chicken and biscuit bowl
5. Adding extra gravy and sauces

Healthier choices
1. Skinless chicken breast without breading
2. Honey BBQ chicken sandwich
3. Garden salad
4. Mashed potatoes
5. Limiting gravy and sauces

Healthy fast food: Mexican chains

Less healthy choices

1. Crispy shell chicken taco
2. Refried beans
3. Steak chalupa
4. Crunch wraps or gordita-type burritos
5. Nachos with refried beans
6. Adding sour cream or cheese

Healthier choices

1. Grilled chicken soft taco
2. Black beans
3. Shrimp ensalada
4. Grilled "fresco" style steak burrito
5. Veggie and bean burrito
6. Limiting sour cream or cheese

Healthy fast food: Sub sandwich chains

Less healthy choices
1. Foot-long sub
2. High-fat meat such as ham, tuna salad, bacon, meatballs, or steak
3. The "normal" amount of higher-fat (cheddar, american) cheese
4. Adding mayo and special sauces
5. Keeping the sub "as is" with all toppings
6. Choosing white bread or "wraps" which are often higher in fat than normal bread

Healthier choices
1. Six-inch sub
2. Lean meat (roast beef, chicken breast, lean ham) or veggies
3. One or two slices of lower-fat cheese (swiss or mozzarella)
4. Adding low-fat dressing or mustard instead of mayo
5. Adding extra veggie toppings
6. Choosing whole-grain bread or taking the top slice off your sub and eating it open-faced

Healthy Asian Food

Less healthy choices
1. Fried egg rolls, spare ribs, tempura
2. Battered or deep fried dishes (sweet and sour pork, general Tso's chicken)
3. Deep fried tofu
4. Coconut milk, sweet and sour sauce, regular soy sauce
5. Fried rice
6. Salad with fried or crispy noodles

Healthier choices
1. Egg drop, miso, wonton, or hot and sour soup
2. Stir-fried, steamed, roasted, or broiled entrees (shrimp chow mein, chop suey)
3. Steamed or baked tofu
4. Sauces such as ponzu, rice-wine vinegar, wasabi, ginger, and low-sodium soy sauce
5. Steamed brown rice
6. Edamame, cucumber salad, stir-fried veggies

Italian and Pizza Restaurant Choices

Less healthy choices
1. Thick-cruse or buttered-crust pizza with extra cheese and meat toppings
2. Garlic bread
3. Antipasto with meat
4. Pasta with cream or butter-based sauce
5. Entree with side of pasta
6. Fried ("frito") dishes

Healthier choices
1. Thin-cruse pizza with half the cheese and extra veggies
2. Plain rolls or breadsticks
3. Antipasto with veggies
4. Pasta with tomato sauce and veggies
5. Entree with side of veggies
6. Grilled ("griglia") dishes

There you go!  This covers most all of the fast food and restaurants you could possibly dream of eating at!  Even changing just a few things about a meal can make it go from extremely unhealthy to a meal that is not going to make you fret!  Eating healthy doesn't mean you have to give up eating everything "good" in a meal! It just means being more conscious about the amount and type of foods you are taking in!
So go have that tasty burger!  But try to make it a meal that you are proud of!
Have your cake, and eat it too!

Pleasing Others WONT Please You

As humans, we have the urge to please others.  We all want to be liked, and we want to impress others.  Although you will eventually learn that pleasing others isn't going to please you!

We worry about what others think of us, we are imposed by others views, and I would be willing to bet money that you have let someone's opinion change your mind on a decision you've been faced with.  At some point, you have to understand the point where pleasing others is hurting you.  But where is the line between caring what others think and being obsessed with others perceptions of us?
There are some people who care so much about what others think, they are willing to give up their own views, and personality, in order to manipulate what others think of them.  This type of behavior can be categorized as codependency.  I believe if you are willing to give up yourself for the feelings of others, you are practicing a codependent behavior which can become very unhealthy very quickly!
True happiness doesn't come from others.  The only you can be truly happy with others is by being happy with yourself!  So why waste all that effort trying to change yourself for others?  You have to live life for yourself!  It's okay to accept others views and opinions, but these aspects shouldn't completely change the person you are!

In school, they always talk about peer pressure.  How you shouldn't make decisions unless you are comfortable with your decisions.  How not to let our PEERS PRESSURE us into situations or views.  Maybe we just need to revert to our childhoods and realize that it's the same lesson, just presented in our adult lives.
Everyone has their set "ways".  The way you do laundry, the way you clean, even the way you dress.  Lets say you never wear sandals.  You go through your whole life hating sandals!  You don't like the way they feel, fit, or look.  You start seeing, or even just spending time with, someone who lived on the beach their whole life and wears sandals daily, never owned a pair of tennis shoes!  All this person talks about is how great sandals are and how he/she doesn't realize how you have gone so long without owning a pair.  After 3 months of spending time with this person, you end up owning 10 pairs of sandals!  You went your whole life without wearing sandals, and now after 3 months of peer pressure, you are buying them like they are going out of style!  This is a codependent behavior.  You have the feeling that if you don't give into the peer pressure, maybe this person won't like you anymore, so you go out of your way, change something you never thought you would, and become just like this new friend.
This is where human logic is flawed.  We are so worried about what others think, what others feel, and what others believe, that we forget we were given the power to choose what WE want to.  We were given the ability to feel, think, and believe and we do everything we can to make our views the same as others.
It's okay to want to please others, but you have to understand when it is going too far.  When you are sacrificing your own personal well being, it's time to step back and take a good look from the outside.

Here are some tips to help you balance pleasing others while still pleasing yourself!

Think of five times when you did or said something that did not truly reflect your wants and needs, in order to please someone else.  Write them down.  Now look back and think of how you could have handled the situations.  What is the worst that could have happened?  This list will help you realize that even if you made the opposite decision, you would have been okay!  If not better with your OWN decision!

Look at your fears.  Are they even realistic or truly that terrible?  You may be afraid that nobody will like you or that you are going to lose someone close to you, maybe even be all alone if you don't say, or do, the right thing.  None of this is ever true!  This is a prison that you have trapped yourself in.  Unlock those doors!  Your peers may be used to your compliance, but if they're not willing to accept that you have your own needs, are they really worth having in your life?

Examine your ability to set limits on others.  You have to determine your boundaries.  What do you believe is acceptable behavior and what is unacceptable?  Figure out what you can tolerate and what is intolerable.  Learn how to identify and label unacceptable treatment from others and how to set limits on their behavior when they violate your boundaries.

Consider the source.  Many people who feel the need to please were raised in environments wherein their needs or feelings were pushed aside or not considered.  They were probably expected to anticipate and mold themselves to everyone else's needs.  Newsflash, not all the world wants a pushover!  Focusing on pleasing others, opens yourself to manipulation and abuse.  You will never reach your full potential as an individual if you constantly hide behind others' expectations!

Stop basing your self-worth on how much you do for other people.  It's noble to want to help others, but it's something you should do because you WANT to, not because you feel you HAVE to!  The greatest acts of kindness are those done by choice, not out of guilt or fear.  If you are doing something because you feel you have to, is the action really genuine?  Would you want someone to help you because they felt obligated or because they were just trying to be kind?

Learn how to say no!  Don't make up excused, give your reasons for not wanting something. Lets say your best friend wants you to go with him/her to a party that will be full of people you can't stand.  A simple "no thank you.  It's just not my scene." will not ruin your friendship!  Be polite, but say no and mean it!  You'll be surprised that the world is NOT going to collapse around you!  People rarely take offense, and those that do aren't worth pleasing.  Like they say, "those who mind, don't matter and those who matter, don't mind.".

Ask for what you want.  If you and your friend are going to see a movie, and most people want to see a particular movie, but you'd rather see something else, SPEAK UP!  There's nothing wrong with voicing your opinion, and it doesn't mean you have to be demanding.  Simply reminding people that you're an individual with your own preferences is a big step forward.  Even asking someone to help you do something is a good step forward.  You also have to realize that people can't read your mind!  If you feel that you do so much for others, but they don't do anything for you, maybe it's because you don't express your needs or desires.  It's not fair to make people pry for an answer from you.  If they ask you what you want, or if there's anything they can do, put in your ten cents!

Do something for yourself!  Do something that you have wanted to do for a while, maybe something you are afraid someone else will not like.  Dye your hair, get a new look, have a treat that you enjoy!  Whatever it is, do it for YOU!  Practice not worrying what anyone else thinks.  Tell yourself, "WOW this is great!".  Don't get caught up in doing things just because no one else wants to do them.  Remember that there out to be things that you truly want to do for yourself, regardless of what anyone else thinks, not in spite of it.  Its okay for other people's opinions to be a factor in our lives, but they should never be the determining factor.

Compromise.  While it is not good to be a pushover, it is not good to be a manipulative bully either.  Don't become totally selfish.  Many people-pleasers have low self-esteem but then again, so do people who are selfish.  It is best to develop good self-care skills which include healthy assertiveness skills.  You can listen to others, but ultimately, what you do is YOUR choice.  Keep a healthy balance.

You have to remember, the only one you are living life for is YOU!

"Thinspiration"

Okay, So to tell you the truth, I was going to skip blogging today because I was hoping my readers could give me some ideas of what they would like to see in my future blogs.  But then I opened yahoo news and saw this, for lack of better word, SHIT article about promoting anorexia photos. . . After you all take a moment to pick your jaw up off the floor, yes, you read that right.  PRO-ANOREXIA!  Apparently, now it is okay to be anorexic!
Here is the Article! 
If you'd like to read for yourself!
I've never heard of this 'thinspiration' stuff so of course I had to google it.  I found quotes like "the longer you put it off by 'starting tomorrow' the longer you will have to wait to be skinny."  . . . . Really?!  THAT is supposed to inspire people to quit eating and become skinny?
The pictures on the blogs I found were disgusting!  Women who were once healthy, now proud to be so rail thin that their bones are actually popping out!  Poor girls probably hurt to even smile they are so thin!  And society is saying its OKAY to promote this?!
I don't have any children yet, but I know that if my baby girl came up to me and said she is going to stop eating because she wants to look like one of these 'thinspiration' models, I would probably come unglued!
"Thinspiration- inspiration for a thinner society.".  I can't believe they are really trying to promote this!  Just because you are thin doesn't mean you are healthy!  Who gives a rats ass if society is "thin"?  Shoudn't we be more worried about the health of society?  I would rather live in a world of HEALTHY people than a world full of bad makeup zombie look a likes.....

I understand that they are trying to promote weight loss and if they were doing it the right way, towards the right groups, I would applaud them.  But showing pictures of girls who are already thin, then showing their "amazing transformation" into an anorexic toothpick, is not inspiring to me.  It's actually quite sad.

"Do it for the skinny fingers" . . . Really?  Do you see anywhere on there that says "DO IT TO BE HEALTHY"?  I don't!
I wear a bikini!  I wear tank tops, shorts, miniskirts, and jeans.  Yes, my thighs touch, I guess I have fat fingers, and yes people stare already.  Guess I am half way there!
I am beautiful!  I am happy!  I am healthy!
I am beginning to think anorexia is the least of our problems as a society!  I think we are borderline, if not full blown, IGNORANT!
Society is to the point where it is going to PROMOTE anorexia, a HORRIBLE, life threatening DISEASE, in order to make people skinny.  But yet there is a fast food chain within stones throw from you at any given time.  Wouldn't it be much easier to maybe, make healthier foods at fast food chains rather than promote a disease for health?

I don't understand how anyone could feel comfortable trying to promote something like this!  It really makes me sick!  Oh, look guys, I could just become anorexic and then go buy skinny jeans!  PERFECT! . . .
THIS is what your children are going to see as "beautiful".  I'm sorry, I will be the first to say, I refuse to live in a society full of this.....

That is disgusting!  There is NOTHING healthy about having a body like this!  The poor woman looks like she could fall apart in the slightest wind!  For the love of God, how could anyone in their right mind feel like it is okay to promote?

I came across this add.  "I just want to hear those words, 'have you lost weight?'"  Okay, take a second and look at this girl.  Do you think she needs to lose weight?  I go back to my previous statement, I am not upset they are trying to promote weight loss.  I just don't comprehend why they would try to target people who really have no need to do anything but gain a little weight!  If this girl pictured lost any more weight, I for one would be worried she was sick!

I had to read more into this whole "thinspiration" epidemic.  While doing so, I came across this quote.
"Thinspiration, for many, is part of identifying with their eating disorder. They are often aware that they have an eating disorder, but seek things that will validate and justify the choices they make based on the struggle they have with their eating disorder."
So not only are we going to promote having an eating disorder, now we're going to help people along with their eating disorder showing them how "beautiful" they will be if they continue on with their DISEASE!
It's funny because I remember in middle school and high school, when the topic of eating disorders came up in health class, we would talk about how you should seek help for such a thing.  Now, in just a few short years, society has decided that an eating disorder is no longer a 'disorder' but now a healthy choice because it will make you skinny!

I can't even continue this topic anymore.  I am so disgusted.  I just wanted everyone to know what was out there in today's world!  People saying if you are sick, you can become happy!
So I leave you with this.

Thinspiration can kiss my WELL ROUNDED ass!

Crying and Cake

Hi, my name is Ashley Fabulous and I am an emotional eater!
**Everyone** Hi Ashley!

How many of us are emotional eaters?  Do cake and crying go together like white and rice?  I want to try to bust this habit of emotional eating!
Lets start with why we eat when we are emotional.  Do you eat when you are sad?  How about when you are angry?  Now that we have established that both of those answers are probably yes, let me ask you one more.  Do you eat more when you are happy?  Ah, got ya didn't I?!  So if you are an emotional eater like me, lets see if we can fix it!
I know when I am upset, the first thing I want to do is eat, eat, and probably eat some more!  I know that feeding my feelings isn't going to make them disappear, but something about eating that triple chocolate, 5 layer cake with ice-cream on the side makes my frown turn upside down!
Lets take a minute to explain the differences between emotional eating and just being hungry!  Believe it or not, sometimes it is hard to tell, specially when you are in a crummy mood!

You need to first realize, emotional hunger comes on suddenly as to physical hunger which gradually occurs. So when you are beginning to feel hungry gradually, you are probably actually hungry and need to eat something.  If you become hungry abruptly, chances are you are feeding those feelings again!

Second, emotional hunger is immediately satisfied when fed although you will probably still "feel" hungry.  Physical hunger can wait a while.  When you are sad and you eat that piece of cake, you feel happy as soon as it hits your mouth but you aren't full.  If you were eating to cure your physical hunger, you are full after eating your meal.  Furthermore, emotional hunger will bring you to eating and eating until you can't eat anymore.  You will most likely still feel "hungry" even though your stomach is extremely full of food.

Third, and definitely what I consider most important of all, emotional eating will leave you with a guilty conscience.  When you eat to cure physical hunger, you do not feel bad about it!  If you are eating your problems away, you are going to stuff your face with that brownie, then some chips, and maybe even a chocolate bar or two, and then think about what you ate, possibly cry some more, then feel EXTREMELY disgusted about the amount of food you just ingested!  If you were eating because you were physically hungry, you are going to feel full, happy, and most of all, satisfied!

Now that we have that established, lets see if we can establish some rules for gaining control of your emotional eating.  In order to do this, you need to pinpoint the cause of your emotional eating.
For example, I know I practice emotional eating when I am stressed.  If anything stresses me out, the first thing I want to do is eat!  And not good things.  I want cake, cookies, chocolate, even fries!  Anything unhealthy!

Rule #1, Tame Your Stress!  If you are eating because of stress, try to find something that tames your stress such as yoga, meditation, or a phrase you can say to yourself to calm you down in a time of need.  I found that if I am extremely stressed if I take a second and just BREATHE and tell myself "everything is fine Ashley" for about 5 minutes, it really gets me in a much better mood and helps me fight that craving to eat my feelings.

Rule #2, Have a hunger reality check!  Before you start stuffing your face, ask yourself, "am I emotional eating or am I really hungry?".  You will be surprised to see that if you ask yourself before consuming anything, you could change your mind.  Even if you are still going to eat, you may not eat quite as much or as unhealthy if you convince yourself it is emotional eating and not physical hunger.

Rule #3, Get Support!  Chances are, you aren't the only one you know who eats to help their feelings!  Find a friend, or even try joining a group to help you when you are in a time of need.  If you have someone else to explain your feeling to BEFORE you eat, it could really help you out!  I know if I can just talk about my feelings to someone who understands where I am coming from, I am less likely to be eating to feel better.

Rule #4, Fight Boredom!  If you are bored and begin eating, chances are you are just eating to cure your boredom.  Find a way to keep yourself busy!  Go start cleaning the kitchen, read a book, you could even come read a blog! **hint hint**  Anything to keep your mind busy so you are not thinking about eating!

Rule #5, Take Away Temptation!  If there are certain foods that you know you eat more when you are emotional eating, don't keep them in your home!  If you don't have them in your grasp, you aren't going to want to go out of your way to obtain these items.  You don't have them, you can't eat them!  And if you REALLY worried about not keeping them in the house, buy a little at a time and keep it all put away!  Again, out of sight, out of mind!

Rule #6, Don't deprive yourself!  This goes along with rule 5.  Like I said, if you feel the need to keep that junk food around for those emotional days, that's fine!  But don't forget, OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND!  If you REALLY feel the need to indulge, do it responsibly.  If you just have a few pieces of candy hidden in the back of the pantry and you KNOW you only have a few, you are more likely just to grab one, eat it, and feel satisfied.

Rule #7, Healthy Snacking.  Let's try to choose our comfort foods a little better.  This doesn't mean giving up everything with calories or sugar, just trying to find some things that we can eat a little more of, for a little less feeling bad about it!  Try some lo-cal snacks, maybe even some juice!  Anything that has a little sugar should keep you feeling non-guilty but satisfied!

Rule #8, Get Enough Sleep!  I have found that if you are not getting enough sleep, you are going to try to snack to A. keep yourself awake and B. find some energy.  If you get enough sleep, you are less likely to be snacking looking for that extra push to finish your day, or even start your day.  So be sure to stay rested!

Rule #9, Eat Appropriately.  When you eat, even snacking, eat at a table!  You should enjoy any sort of food at a table with no distractions!  Yes, it sounds like an incontinence but that's really the point!  If you know every time you are going to consume food you are going to be at a table, no TV, no radio, no magazine, no work, you are going to be less likely to be eating as much!  You know as well as I do you can sit in front of that TV and eat that whole bag of chips before you even realize you opened it!  Knowing you can only eat in one place under one circumstance you are really going to think about eating before actually eating!

Rule #10, STAY POSITIVE!  If you are in a bad mood, think about things that are going to make you happy!  If you are in a good mood, you probably won't even have to worry about emotional eating!  So that's that!  STAY POSITIVE!  Besides, the sky isn't REALLY falling!

I know 10 rules sounds like a lot, but really, these rules can both help with emotional eating, and keeping you happy and healthy!

So here's some joyful celebration balloons for taming your emotional eating!  Good luck!  And don't forget to keep that big smile on your face and stick to your feelings but don't forget to stop and think first!!!!!!!

20lbs or bust!

I want to know what the worlds obsession with losing 20 pounds is!  You've read it in magazines, you've seen it on television, you probably even know someone, YOURSELF, who has tried this "lose 20 pounds or bust" experimentation.

I am here today to throw that logic out of the window!  First off, why 20lbs?  What is it about 20lbs that is going to make you feel THAT  much better?  I don't mean to be rude, but yet blunt.  I spent 16 years doing that "lose 20lbs for *fill in event in which I would be wearing a nice dress*" and I can't remember feeling better about MYSELF, just happy at the fact that I lost 20lbs in a short period of time.
The fact of the matter is, if you can lose 20, you can lose 120!
I know I have made this blog seem like I am promoting being fat, fabulous, and healthy, which I am not trying to deny!  But I want to talk to you girls out there that may be looking to lose a little weight.  I do want to note right now that you should never change yourself OR your body just because someone else, or society in a whole, thinks you should!  You need to change for YOU!
Throughout my whole life, I have been little, okay maybe only at birth!  But I have been considered "obese" my whole life!  I put that dirty word in quotations because I have never considered myself "obese".  Just big boned and full of fabulous personality!  Anyways, where were we?
Before I started my weight loss program, I had pushed myself to lose 20lbs for prom, 20lbs for a friends wedding, even 20lbs for a upcoming date!  Think back to all those times you have gone for that 20lb difference, did you ever keep off that 20lbs even after the event?  . . . . . . Chances are the answer is no!   It's okay, your secret is safe with me!  I never kept off the 20!  It was gone for a day or so, but after the event, I was right back to the normal!
I was reading an article on yahoo yesterday about a woman using a feeding tube to lose weight for her wedding!
**Here's the article if you would like to read**
I am confused as to why someone would go to this much extreme to lose weight for a wedding!  I mean, her husband has to be shocked too!  This girl IS NOT fat in ANY sense of the word!

Someone, PLEASE explain to me why this looks like a good idea to lose 20lbs?!  Because I am disgusted and baffled right now!  I for one, don't understand how her husband to be could have been okay with this either!  This is NOT how you lose weight!
Please don't ever feel like you need to starve yourself, give up good food, or EVER EVER E-V-E-R! GET A FEEDING TUBE TO LOSE WEIGHT!
I have tried it all!  I stopped eating only to find out that when I would eat after a few days of fasting, I would immediately gain weight.  I tried the "no-carb" diets, only to find that I was unhappy when I would go out with friends and family and couldn't eat anything but dry lettuce at the best Italian restaurants!   At the end of the day, the only thing that was going to work for me was going to be something that I could do to improve myself mentally and physically.
I worked my butt off, no really!, in the Jenny Craig program for one whole year!  When I started, I didn't believe at all that I was going to be able to lose anywhere near as much weight as I had at "goal" in just one short year!  March to March, a total of 140lbs!  But this time was different!  I didn't have to give up on indulging in pasta!  I could still have a big Thanksgiving dinner!  I even went out for ice cream with my little sister on numerous occasions!  I was happy with how my lifestyle played into my weight loss!  The better I felt about my weight loss and still knowing I could indulge, I believe that was key to losing all of the weight I have kept off!
Here I am, 2 years later, and still over 170lbs down!  Yes I have gained 5 here and there, but I have been able to catch myself and lose those 5lbs quickly and happily.  So lets talk about some techniques that helped me and hopefully some will help you as well!

First, and I can't say this one enough, DON'T BE SCARED OF YOUR SCALE!  The scale is your friend! No, really!  The scale tracks your progress and lets you know how many pounds of AWESOME you have in you!  For those of you that may be deathly afraid of the scale, I have been there!  I remember going to the doctor and praying before getting on their scale then jumping to gun with the "please nurse, don't even read aloud what I weigh!!!!!".  It's okay to be worried, but when you are worried too much about going up in the number, you aren't going to let yourself go down in number!  I want to share a great scale that will help those of you who have some issues stepping on that devil!
*Most Amazing Scale Ever*       <---- this is a link to what I believe is the most inspirational scale ever!  It is a scale by Weight Watchers that inspires you before you even step on it!  Check it out and I know, for me, it really helps me feel good before I step on the scale!

Second, when it comes to the normal "diet and exercise" I believe that is the best thing for you!  BUT, don't do anything you, and your lifestyle, aren't comfortable with.  That pretty much just sets you up for disappointment.  Instead of trying to make yourself believe that you aren't going to touch chocolate, candy, or sugar again, try working things like this into your diet!  I know some of you probably think I am crazy now but stay with me on this one!  You really think when I was on my weight loss program that I didn't eat delicious white chocolate and my favorite peanut butter candy?!  HELL NO GIRL!  I even had some break down days where I ate NOTHING but candy!  Although I was able to fit them into my weight loss 99% of the time!
When deciding what "diet" is right for you, you need to stop and think about what you normally eat.  Make a list for a whole week of EVERYTHING you eat!  Even if it is just a cracker!  Make a list and after a week, sit down and go through your list.  Everything that you feel will hinder your weight loss goal, mark it off!  Take it off your list but not out of your mind!  Then, when you are ready to begin a weight loss regiment, make another list!  Better yet, get a calendar with daily writing slots, BIG writing spots!  Plan out your meals for the week.  You will find if you KNOW what you are eating every day, you are less likely to be picking up that fast food on your way home because you are excited about the dinner you have planned!  Also, be sure to plan snacks!  You know we all get hungry between meals, plan some light snacking!  See, that's where that indulgence comes in!  It is NOT bad to eat between meals!  I even found that it sped up my metabolism!

Third, water consumption!  It is so important to drink plenty of water!  This is probably the easiest rule!  Every time you are thirsty, pick up a glass of water!  If you have water issues, I've found that using the Crystal Light packs in bottled water gives the illusion of drinking a sugary juice and sort of tricks your mind! But at 0 calories and 0 sugar, this is a great way to get all of your water consumption in!  Also, get a cute water bottle!  If you use it enough, it will become more like an accessory to carry around!  Then, you will always have water on you to keep drinking!  Lastly, I want to drill it in everyone's head because it worked so well with me and others I have shared this tip with, when you are hungry, drink a glass of water!  Drink that full 8oz's of water and see if you are still hungry!  The human brain gives off the idea of hungry even when you may not be hungry, you could just be thirsty, so drinking some water when you start feeling hungry and wait a minute to see if you were really hungry or if maybe you just needed a little thirst quenching water!

Forth, lets talk about working out!  Working out doesn't mean going to the gym 5 days a week and beating yourself up when you can't complete that 10 mile hike on the elliptical!  Working out is simply motivating your body to weight loss!  When choosing the appropriate work out method for your lifestyle, remember, don't ever expect yourself to continue a routine you may not be comfortable with.  If you don't think it is something you could do at least 3 times a week, there you go again setting yourself up for disappointment!  Chose activities that you can, will, and ENJOY doing!  If you hate running, there is no sense in putting "run 5 miles" on your work out calendar is there?  Do a few different activities and find ones that work well with both your lifestyle and comfort!  I enjoy swimming, so I try to make it a point to swim at least 2 times a week.  When I can't swim, I walk my dogs.  We walk as far as it takes them to get tired!  If that means 3 miles, then that is how far we are walking today!  I am comfortable, happy, and staying active and healthy!  So go find some activities that you are going to enjoy!  Any activity is better than no activity!

Fifth, don't get upset when you don't lose what you expected to every week!  Setting goals is awesome and a great motivational tool for some, but with my experience I have found that when I set a weekly weigh in goal, I weigh in and didn't reach the goal, I became so upset with myself and didn't want to continue my weight loss anymore!  That is not healthy for your mind!  Try setting monthly, more broad goals, to start off. "This month, I will lose 30lbs!"  See how I wrote that!  It is not "This month I WANT TO lose 30lbs", it is I WILL lose 30lbs!  You'd be surprised at how much a difference it makes to change "want to" to "will".  Say it every day!  Don't get upset when you are on week 2 and 14lbs down and you happen to gain 2 because you had a fun week!  Keep telling yourself, I WILL, and feel blessed for every pound that comes off!

One last note, when I was on Jenny Craig, my weight loss consultant had this cool prop that really helped me.  It was a ziplock bag with one pound of "fat" (I believe she used some kind of thick goo like Crisco maybe?) but every time I would come in and "just lose one measly pound" she would pull out the "bag of fat" and I will let you know now, you really don't realize how much one whole pound is until you see it!  So try to make your own "bag of fat" and when you think you only lost 1 measly pound, hold that bag up and really see what all you lost in weight, and what you gained in confidence!

So here's to you, weight loss buddies, go out there and make that diet fit you! I promise it will make the whole experience much easier and much more exciting if you are enjoying your weight loss!
Remember, positive thinking goes a long way!  Lets turn those "I want"s into "I will"s!

Girls Night Out

So, it's Saturday night!  You want to go out with your girls.  If you are like me, you are one of the biggest girls in your group, so when it is time to go out, I sometimes feel like I need to spend a whole lot more time getting ready to look presentable enough next to your, for lack of better word, "twig" friends.  You stand in front of the mirror for a sum of hours, putting makeup, fixing your hair, making sure you are wearing the right clothes for your nightlife.  You work so hard to even get a little "you look nice" from your smaller friends and of course, the men at the night club, concert, or wherever you happen to be going.  

Okay, lets pause for a minute.  Why do us big girls feel the need to try to "show off" when they are with a crowd smaller than them?  I am not trying to be rude, we all know, I am a big girl too.  But can't you be naturally beautiful and be happy with that?  I understand that you may feel like all eyes are going to be on you if you don't spend that extra time getting ready, but to be completely honest, when you are a size 20 hanging out in a group of size 5's, all eyes are already going to be on you!  Make it for the right reasons!  I completely comprehend that you want to feel better about yourself, specially when spending time in a nightlife scene with all of your girlfriends that happen to be way less that half your size!  Let me give you a few tips to make your nightlife experience more exciting without being quite as time consuming! 

First, less is more!  Any ways you look at it, less is more!  When getting ready before your nightlife experience, remember, a woman has natural beauty that can't shine under a pound of makeup!  I would suggest a little foundation with a brush of translucent powder over top to start.  The foundation will, of course, even your skin tone, and the powder over top will give you a wonderful GLOW!!! 

Second, for your eyes, I would suggest just one light color for your lid and just a bit of mascara.  When you over do it, everyone is going to notice and yes, that will be why they are all looking at you!  Not because you are bigger, but because everyone can tell you over did it when preparing for then night.  

Third, your hair!!!!! Every woman loves their hair!  Its wonderful to be able to fix it up, leave it down, braid it, curl it, any way you like it!  That's the great thing about a woman's hair!  If your face is more round, please keep your hair longer!  That way you can work a side bang, that will create the illusion that your face is longer and will take some weight off of your top half!  For long faces, you have a pretty broad horizon on where you can wear your hair.  It is much easier to hide something like a large forehead with bangs, or if you are uncomfortable with your curly hair, don't hesitate straightening it! 

Forth is something I received from a friend.  It was a great tip that I didn't even think about at first!  When choosing clothes, don't wear a shirt with a stain!  It sounds simple right?  Think back, you know there was a time you were eating and happened to drop something on your shirt and that pesky stain won't come out!  Sorry ladies, but it's time to give up that shirt!  Not only will it look sloppy, but because you are bigger, people are going to automatically associate you with being messy.  **For the record, I think my boobs like to get a little dinner in too and that's why food constantly drops down my cleavage! **

Fifth is more of a discussion than a rule but I still feel like it needed to be embraced.  When out with your smaller friends, it comes time to order food, don't order a salad just because they order light!  Indulge yourself!  Order that burger and fries!  Get that steak! Hell, get desert too if you want it!  It took me a long time, but I have learned men love a woman who can eat!  If you are confident with your decisions, even in the food you choose, no good man is going to care what you order. He may even be shocked at how well you put it away!  But he will respect the fact that you indulged yourself with exactly what you wanted, with confidence at that!  

This weeks challenge is to spend some time with your girls!  Every woman needs time with her girls!  This is always a great confidence booster for me!  I love going out and having a good time.  It just makes you feel good!  Go out for dinner, have some drinks with the ladies, go all out and hit the night club!  Whatever makes you feel comfortable!  Do it for you!  Be happy, feel healthy, and stay wonderful!  You rock girl!  

Hey Now...Big Guys Need More Love Too!!!!

After sharing my blog with everyone I know, I was commented "Okay, your blogs are geared to the women.  What about the fat guys?"

So, I think today we are going to talk about men!  

By both request of a good friend, Bryan Allison and to broaden my readers I'd like to discuss the subject of overweight men and the affects it has on their lives!

Now, I will openly admit, I never though men had the mental and physical issues that women have!  I was actually a little shocked that my dear friend expressed these feelings to me.  From a woman's perspective, we view men . . . well, let me explain in picture! 

I know, personally, this is what I think most men see and feel about themselves.  I was told by Bryan "I am very insecure due to a lack of acceptance."  I was honestly pretty shocked by this.  He is a very handsome man!  I never saw his weight and I guess I just expected that it was like that for all men.  We just see men.  Furthermore, the longer I thought about it, the more I began to understand.  

Men feel insecure too!  They spend day after day in the gym trying to pull off that six-pack, sneak in the tanning booth to keep golden brown, and even go as far as to having hair plugs when they begin to loose a little hair.  

After talking to Bryan to try to understand the insecurities of men, he began to tell me his problems go further than just a feeling with himself, but also with work.  When I expressed to him my thought that larger men are accepted much more than larger women he explained to me that when looking for a job even, bigger men are misconstrued as "lazy".  I have known Bryan for quite a few years now, and the word lazy doesn't fit him at all!  He is a smart, handsome, hard working man!  So what, he's a few pounds overweight, he is a good hard worker!  

"Fat does not equal lazy and unproductive.  I work more than my in shape counter parts and put in more effort because I am expected to fail because of my size.  I refuse to ever let that happen." -Bryan Allison

This is a great point!  But why does society go straight to a bad opinion of someone who is a little over weight?  It almost seems like they are trying to set you up for failure.  

Like I said before, I sincerely wasn't aware that there were men who had these esteem issues but I would like to try to help them the best I can from a female perspective.  

I want to ask, why should you have to work so much harder for acceptance with both peers and workforce?  If you do your job well, should it really matter how much you weigh?  

Let me try to give you overweight, or even just insecure, men some tips to help you feel better about yourself and better about life!  

First, its simple really, smile more!  Practice your smile!  Even if someone notices your size first, put a huge, handsome grin on your face and I can assure you, they are going to be drawn to that smile!  Practice your smile!  Look at yourself in the mirror, smile, and say to yourself "I am a handsome and kind man!"  If you feel good about yourself, you aren't going to let anything or anyone get you down!

Second, keep yourself groomed up all nice!  Women, and people in general, will see how clean shaven your face is, or how your hair always looks the perfect length, your skin is smooth.  If everyone sees how well you take care of yourself, they are bound to treat you like you treat yourself, with kindness and respect.

Third, indulge yourself!  Just like women, I feel that men need to indulge every once in a while.  Do something that makes you feel good!  Go get a mani/pedi!  You'd be surprised how many men do this!  It feels amazing and will also go along with tip number two!

Forth tip is from Bryan who says "Rock your size!  Be big and proud!"  If you love yourself in all of your glory, people are going to see this confidence and it will change their mind on all of the stereotypes they automatically thought when they first meet you.

Fifth, and probably most important, STAY POSITIVE!  If you keep thinking you are going to have a more difficult time because you are a big man, guess what?  You ARE going to have a more difficult time!   If you just stay positive in everything you do, you WILL succeed!  Shout it to the heavens "I'M PROUD OF WHO I AM!!!"

The last tip is to help in the work situations.  If you are worried about having issues getting a job or landing an interview because of your size, try networking with those who know how awesome you are!  You'd be surprised how far a good reference will go!
So now I am going to challenge my men readers!  Go out into the world, put on your smile, your fresh shave, new hair cut, wear your best outfit, and show them what you are made of!  Be proud of that gut!

Because in the end, a keg goes a LOT further than a little six pack!
I hope this has made all you handsome big men get into your groove!  I want to end with thanking my dear friend Bryan Allison for first, giving me the idea to write for the men also, and for helping me understand how he, as well as a number of other men, are affected by these same issues!
"Do not define me by what you see.  Define me by my actions." -Bryan Allison

Self Conscious VS. Self Confident

Today I would like to talk about how to go from self conscious to self confident!
You wake up in the morning to get ready for your day.  Walk into the bathroom, you probably have to pee, hop in the shower. . . STOP!  After you take off your clothes do you
A. Stand in front of the mirror and admire the beauty in front of you naked in all of Gods glory?
B. Do your best to stay away from ANY mirrors because you don't like what is looking back at you?
Okay, those of you who answered A already know they have self confidence! WAY TO GO GIRLS! But for those of you who answered B, lets try to find where that self consciousness comes from.
Try to remember the first time you were EVER unhappy with yourself.  Not just physically, but mentally too!  What a lot of people don't know is you can be unhappy with the way you look simply because you are unhappy with the way you feel!
I would like to share my experience with this to further help readers understand.
It all started when I was about 15.  I had just made it through my "goth" stage and was getting in with a whole new group of friends, OLDER friends.  I was so used to being accepted no matter what in my "goth crew" and had no clue what I was getting into hanging out with 20+ year olds.  For those of you who have known me a while, you all know how self CONFIDENT I am.  Hell, I freaking LOVE me!  But after a few weeks mingling with my new crowd, I began to feel uneasy about myself.  I was much larger than the girls I was hanging out with.  I didn't know how to make my hair look perfectly highlighted every day, or how to swim without messing up my mascara.  The longer I was around these people, the more low I began to feel.  I started doing things I shouldn't have done to try to become what these (in my mind at the time) beautiful women were.  I wanted to look like them, I wanted to do the activities they did, I wanted to become them!  It wasn't until one day I looked in the mirror whilst getting ready to shower.  I saw the dark circles around my eyes, I noticed the POUND of makeup I had to take off, but the biggest point was, I was UNHAPPY.  I did everything in my power to look and feel like these girls and no matter how hard I tried to stray away and feel good, there was nothing making me feel happy about my decisions!
Now lets go back to finding your self conscious trigger.  Was it something someone said to you when you were young?  Do you hate stepping on the scale?  Maybe it is just from reading too many Vogue magazines!  Think long and hard about this because I promise you, if you can pin point where you went from self confident to self conscious,you can change it back just as quickly!
Lets talk about a few ways to boost that self confidants.  One really easy trick I have found I like to call "saying your thank yous".  Every morning, before you even get out of bed, simply say "Thank you"!  It is as simple as that.  It doesn't have to be thank you for something, or someone, just simply thank you.
Next, try listening to a song, or band, that puts you in a good mood.  When you wake up and then follow your morning all in a good mood, you'll be surprised how your day goes.  Remember, don't let the little things get you down.  There is always going to be traffic and there is always going to be that ONE person that chaps your hide.  Just LET IT GO!  You are living each day for Y-O-U!
Third, try something new!  Sometimes, breaking out of your shell will give you a new found hope for other things in life.  Even if it is just going to that store you've been looking at online for weeks that happens to be 50 miles away!  If you realize you can accomplish anything, you will be more keen to try lots of new things to improve yourself!  
Forth, face your fears!  Now, I can not stress this one enough!  If you are afraid of that scale, get on it every day!  If you are afraid of looking at yourself naked before the shower, spend 5 minutes every morning and night just admiring what you've got!  Never in a negative way!  So what your breasts are a little saggy, so what you have fat in places you don't necessarily want it, and who cares about those muffin tops.  Muffins are delicious anyways! ADMIRE yourself!  Look at that person staring back at you and say "DAMN YOU'RE FINE!"  If anything, I promise it will make you giggle and at least put a smile on that pretty face!
And fifth, but definitely not last, be good to yourself.  Treat yourself when you've had a great week!  Pamper yourself when you have the extra money!  Go out with friends and be around people that make you feel like YOU!  If you aren't good to yourself, who's going to want to be good to you!

So I challenge you all to use these tips to better yourself!  Lets all go from self conscious to SELF CONFIDENT!

Society's Obsession with Physical Appearance. . .

Today I decided I should hit the topic nail on the head and discuss society's obsession with physical appearance.  Lets begin by picking up our history books and flipping all the way back to the 16th century.  I am sure you are all familiar with the famous Mona Lisa painting. (although painted in 1503-1506 it was considered 16th century because this is when it became famous)

Take a good hard look at this picture.  What do you think it meant to people of the time?  How do you think their society viewed this portrait?  Do you think this is exactly what this woman looked like?  Was this painting tampered with after it was originality painted?
You see a beautiful woman, very decently clothed, with a smile that would soon become worth a million dollars.  This woman appears happy.  This woman appears HEALTHY.  But I am sad to say, by the standards of society today, this woman would probably be considered unhealthy and overweight!
This brings me to my question.  Why is society SO obsessed with physical appearance?  Can't people just be happy and healthy?  The media, and really people in general, have put this image of what you SHOULD look like.  What type of clothing you should wear, what your hair should look like, what SIZE you should be.  Why is it any of their damn business what size clothes I wear?  Heaven forbid that I am happy in a size 18, and NO way could I be healthy over 200lbs!  Right?!
Now a days, you see these pictures of what SOCIETY deems "beautiful women".
I did a simple google search for "perfect female body" and was disgusted at the results.  Pictures like this....

Call me dumb, but I don't see where ANY of those words I searched are in this picture.  This woman is skin and bones! You can see every rib, hip bone, and neck!  She is dressed horribly, and to top it off, she looks UNhealthy!  THIS is what society is trying to bring us to!  I for one stand up and say NO!  I wouldn't be either healthy, or happy in a body like this!
I am a proud size 18!  I have hips!  I have curves!  My butt doesn't fit everywhere!  I have tatas that make men go crazy!  haha Just figured I'd throw that last one in there! ;-)
But on a more serious note, when did we go from the beautiful, voluptuous woman to a bag of bones with a few strings tied around her no-no spots?  Who was it that decided THIS was sexy????
I remember when I first learned back in the 16th-18th century, a man would judge his wealth by how FAT his wife was.  A larger wife meant the man was able to fully provide, take care of, and keep his wife HEALTHY.  Now it seems like the men with fat wives are called "disgusting" or "gross" for the simple fact that their wife isn't a "perfect" size 2.
The more I think about it, the more irate it makes me.  So I leave you with this. . .

Whatever shape you are.  Whatever size you are.  Whatever body GOD gave you.  Be proud of it!  Embrace it!  Show off your curves girl!
I, Ashley Brown, size 18, all 5ft 11in, ALL 250lbs of me, pledge to be healthy in my own eyes because NO doctor or person can tell me when I'm HAPPY!